Happy Birthday, Grandma Mary!

Love,

Ivy and Fam

Skip this post if you find baby updates boring

It's difficult to really capture what Ivy looks like in photographs. Probably because I don't really know what I'm doing and because the camera freaks her out. This picture is the closest we've come to accuracy:

Baby Ivy, 7 weeks old

What you can tell from the above: Her hair has a hint of red. Like mine. Her hair dries in a mohawk. Unlike mie. She is alert. She spents most of her waking hours looking around, taking it all in. Her eyes are blue. Very very blue. She has a skin tag on her left ear. It will get removed, eventually. She enjoys lounging on her boppy pillow. Who wouldn't, amirite?

What you can't tell from the above: She's smiley. Something I have yet to catch with the camera because the camera makes her scowl. Like this:

She's discovered her voice and loves using it. Yesterday she learned how to yell. Not cry, just yell. Like she has very important things to declare. As I write this she's on the ground, kicking, talking to one of those toy hangy things and grabbing at the toys. She is incredibly long. Her feet nearly dangle off the edge of her swing and she's not even two months old yet. She's also too tall for some of her 0-3 month outfits. She is not a fan of baths, most likely because I'm not bathing her correctly. She loves being in motion. Car rides and walks are our favorite shared past times. She's being very considerate with her sleeping habits, waking up only once and falling immediately back to sleep after eating, then waking for the day around 8. Seriously. It's awesome. She comes alive at night, much like her parents in our younger college days. 10-12 pm is her happiest, most active time. A comfy blanket, binky and some snuggling seem to solve most of her problems. When taking care of business, she looks at me sideways and smirks. It's my cue for a diaper change.

Dr. Ivy Answers (verb, not noun)

Amelia in Swizterland asks,

Dr. Ivy, what should I do after graduation? 

Dr. Ivy says,

"You should exit the auditorium. Find your family, if they plan on attending. Then, turn in the gown that you will rent. You're going to rent a gown, right? Rent your gown. Do not buy. It might seem fun and sentimental to have your very own to keep forever, but come June you will serious regret it. Those things weigh like 400 pounds and you'll have to lug it around with you to every new place that you live. And you for sure won't want to pull it out and wear it ever, because let's face it, Kate Moss would look morbidly obese in one of those tents. If you really want a keepsake, order one of those "2012" keychains with a tassle attached. It's much more portable, and then when you finally realize that neither you nor anyone else really cares when you graduated, you won't feel guilty throwing it away because you only spent $7.00 and not $300,000 or however much graduation gowns cost.

After you turn in your rented gown, go to dinner or something. You've earned it.

Oh wait, did you mean like what career you should seek after graduation? Shoot, I don't know. I'm just a baby."

Love,

Dr. Ivy

Dr. Ivy, The World's Most Trusted Expert





I made it work, Tim G.

I crafted! I'm crafty!

Obvs, I still need to hem the bottom. But that could take another month.

The dress looks better if you squint. Also, whatever you do, do not turn the dress inside out. It's total chaos. My guess is that Ivy will wear the dress for one minute before the  haphazard seams start to drive her bananas and we have a total infant meltdown on our hands. Don't worry, I'll take 45 pictures in those 60 seconds. #the camera is my crack cocaine.
This beast was my second project of the week. The first was cutting my own bangs. They, too, look better if you squint.
I think next time I'll purchase an actual textile pattern instead of just wingin' it from some super vague instructions off the World Wide Web.

Speaking of internets, is it just me, or are the blogger captchas getting out of control? Like, 27 characters out of control. Sometimes I'll go to leave a comment but the captcha is so crazy that all I can do is give up and walk away. It's not like those letters and numbers are easy to read. Is it an "L", or a "1"? Sometimes I fail the captchas, which makes me wonder if I'm really a spam robot and no one ever told me. #time for my lunch of scrap metal and brains. #just kidding. #OR AM I? #om nom nom.

your favorite and mine...

And now it's time for a very special edition of Ask Dr. Ivy

Go ahead, ask her anything. Like...

Dr Ivy, what's the secret to happiness?

Dr. Ivy says, "19 hours of sleep a day and a good burp after every meal."

Dr. Ivy, what do you think about Iran?

Dr. Ivy says, "Where did you run to?"

That's a funny joke, Dr. Ivy.

Dr. Ivy says, "I know."

She's waiting for your queries.

Special crisis, Oliver's lament

Ollie had a good run as the favorite child. He spent an entire year being our baby and receiving all the attention he constantly demanded.
But now we have an actual baby and it' seems difficult for Ollie to understand.
He's really great with Ivy, very gentle and loving. It's Stephen and I that he resents. In fact he's growling at me as I type.
He's clingy. Literally. When we walk past he uses his front paws to grab onto our legs while we drag him down the hall. It would be hilarious and cute if I wasn't always holding a baby while he did it.
He's delusional. He spent ten minutes barking at a cardboard box last night before shredding it to a hundred pieces.
He's needy. He insists on being taken outside, then instead of taking care of potty business, he just looks up at me, his stare conveying, "Remember this? When it was just you and me? Gone are the days."
Before you feel too sorry for him and  break into our apartment to whisk him away to a better home, know that he gets two bowls of food a day plus treats, a walk every day, plenty of toys and a comfy bed to sleep on each night. He's fine.

In other news, Babykins is 6 weeks old today:

legumes, eyewear and politics

I earned a college degree. So does that mean that every guess I make is an educated guess? Yes? Wonderful. I plan to start wearing a monocle. I will spend my time walking into rooms where people are guessing things. These guessing people will spot me in my monocle and say, "Mr. Peanut?" and I'll say "No. It's me. Meg the Educated." And then they'll sigh with relief that FINALLY someone knows what they're doing. Then I'll declare, "In my best, most educated guess, I'd say there are three apples in that basket" and even if there are four apples in the basket they'll totally believe me because I'm Meg the Educated. I'll do all of this with a british accent because the brits are just plain smarter. If you don't believe me, watch the current season of America's Next Top Model, Cycle 479, BRITISH INVASION. CAPS LOCK IS FUN. But guys, here's the thing....I only read part of The Grapes of Wrath. I read the Wikipedia page before writing my essay. And I sure as H E double hockey sticks did not read Canterbury Tales. Am I  a fraud? Are my guesses uneducated? Should I return the monocle?
Speaking of education or lack thereof, BYU seems to think that as soon as we graduate we earn tons of money. Enough money that we can spare some and donate to the Alumni fund. I told the latest student volunteer to call that BYU is wrong in thinking so, and to call back in five years. I also told her that I never read The Grapes of Wrath and that the Alumni Association probably doesn't want the likes of me in their midst. That's a lie. I didn't tell her that, but for honesty's sake I should have. Anyway, Stephen, we have five years to become super wealthy. And Republican . Is that what happens with great wealth? Republicanism? As of right now I'm undeclared, like my major most of college. See, it's a circular blog post.
BYU also seems to think that upon graduation I suddenly care about their athletic events and send 67 emails everyday about the next game. But that's a different rant post.